- Su's Kompeito World -

Friday, March 21, 2008

Hi Bloggie,

I'm just back from a gathering with my blossom friend. Well, it's hardly a gathering consider it's just me, her and her boyfriend. After we got her bf to go home first, we had some quality chat over the updates on our career, family and relationship.

Geez.. I never thought I will get to use those words on me. Career, family and relationship.. those are like the words I'll get to see on Female magazine column. I wish I can duped myself into believing that I can be reading Teens where it's always about stars, beauty, relationship and studies. Things seems alot easier there.

Why all these suddenly? It's not as if we never talk about all these... What set my brain into this fuzzy mode in search for an answer? It occur to me, it's the one of the sentence my friend said.

"I never had to worry about you in terms of relationship and family. It's your career I'm worried about. You are already going 26."

My mind went blank.

She continue saying that I am sensible enough to judge my relationship and juggle well with my family but when it comes to my career. I'm forever putting off the idea of job hopping because there's always this colleague or another I'm worried about. And I'm forever thinking about them before me, which is making her worried. I should be thinking about myself.

"I want you to move forward together with me in our career path. You know I am a executive and owned a credit card now. That's where you should be too."

Ouch! She' right on the spot. That's one of the reason I'm speechless.

But.. am I really sensible enough to judge my relationship and juggle well with my family? Honestly... I'm doubting.

Maybe I'm too sensible. That's why my relationship is nearly a blank. I am too sensible that I can easily ignore the heart racing, electric static currents that runs thr me when it's him, because I will soon flood myself with statistics. His character vs my character. His family vs my family. His idea vs my idea. Then reach the conclusion within minutes. No. No relationship now, not with him. Relationship after all, is not an easy thing. It takes up much of your time and exhaust too much of your energy. When you see the ideal guy, you realise what happen to the heart racing, electric static thing?

I told my friend about it. She said it's good that I gave up. He's not worthy for my time. But what happens when I don't love the one who is worthy of my time. She didn't reply for a very long time.

My friend.. she's always too insensible in relationship. Despite being 2yrs older than me, she has been thr a few of relationship at least, an unhappy marriage, and a miscarriage. Yet I never see her lack of suitors. There's always someone who's waiting for her. Yes, I'm envy at times, but not when she replied, "You know. I don't love my boyfriend. I'm with him because he in love with me much more than i do."

I guess I know why. She loves her ex-husband, but he's a junk. That's our difference. I will stop myself before I land myself into a guy like that. But she will be easily blind by it.

Is she with her boyfriend now, because I told her he's the ideal guy for her? He loves her, he cares for her, and most importantly his care and love is extended to her family too. When he has $100, he will give her $101. That's precisely how much he loves her.

It's weird how things get so messy when you are a grown-up. When I always think of her as being successful in her relationship with her countless suitors despite her average looks. She actually finds me more sensible in terms of relationship when I find my record a blank? That's really nothing to be happy about.

As for family.. does seeing your parents 1-2 times per month, or seeing your grandma everyday yet we only speak a few sentences per day really means juggling well with my family? I am not sure about that. There are times where I think I can do more, but there are even more times where I simply doesn't want to do anything.

As for career? I do agree that I really should change a job, but it's not easy when you have colleagues-friends who are telling you that they will be overloaded or very stressful if you ever take a long leave which simply means more than 1 day. It upsets me thinking that I will cause so much trouble just by resigning. But it's my career, I don't think they will care about me if 10 yrs down the road I'm still a junior staff as long as I'm doing my duties well. Like what I've told my management, this job will be motivating for me only if it's in-line with my future goals. Apparently, it's not at the moment.

Wow... this is a meaningful entry. Can't believe I've wrote so much. Maybe reading "A sister's keeper" helps. I love the way the author craft her words that I wrote down some on a notebook. I think part of me wish I'm like what the author said.. someone with the onion character. A layer after another layer. Like that... I can just peel myself off to find yet another me. I'll never get bored of myself this way. Of course... this isn't exactly what the author meant. But I like this idea..... *wink*

-Su

There are only two types of person, those who likes Su's kompeito and those who don't. # ;

Girl girl,
Credit card is never a good measure of how successful you are in career. I have encountered ppl with countless cards but seriouly in debts. I believe your friend is flawed with this concept...

There will always be up and downs in life. Who don't? Still remember when I quit my job last time? See what happens. And I still manage to turn my life around right?

Craft what kind of career you have in mind, then go pursue it girl. What most important is that you are comfortable and satisfied with it...

As for a relationship... 随缘吧...

Shu & Erika

By Anonymous, at 12:02 am

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